Sunday at 10am | Jersey Arts Centre
I hereby submit the postulation that this man’s influence on our children is pernicious; that his pernickety pilfering of precious words from our great language, his perverse attitude to grammar and an opprobrious approach to reason and rationality is adversely affecting the next generation’s ability to be sensible upstanding members of society. Also, he said “bum”. More than once.
Once is an accident. More than once is a criminal offence, perhaps even a capital offence – I haven’t checked case law on this point yet. A certain Mrs Trellis (of North Wales) has written to inform me that this is now the second time that the so-called Jersey Festival of Words has overstepped the mark by booking this lunatic to take up valuable stage time. You will be hearing from my legal counsel, Festival Committee.
Why on earth is Dalek massage a subject for a Sunday morning? It’s not even physically possible. The slightest bit of research by MacDonald would have rendered this “routine” obsolete. Research would have also thrown up the unavoidable truth that the word “Halloween” does not derive from a chance meeting in a graveyard with a man named Ian. And there really is little need for such gurning at this hour on the Sabbath day, Sir,
Perhaps what galls most with this shambolic display is that the young people captive in the seats at the Arts Centre appeared to enjoy this nonsense to such a ludicrous degree. Have they no reason? Have they no shame? Have they no sense? And yet, laugh they did. Like a pack of miniature drains. It beggars belief.
For all these reasons (and many more), I repeat my submission: Simon MacDonald must be stopped.
Colonel S. Craddock (ret’d). As overheard by Ben Evans.